Say It Isn't So!!!

You can always tell if a man is henpecked because...

He wears the pants in the house - under his apron.

He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.

His wife doesn't have to raise the roof;
All she has to do is raise an eyebrow.

He always has the last word - he says,
"I apologize".

The last big decision she let him make was whether
To wash or to dry.

He was a dude before marriage -
Now he is subdued.

He married her for her looks,
But not the kind he's getting now.

She even complains about the noise he makes,
When he is fixing his own breakfast.

He goes to a woman dentist -
it's a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.

Every once in awhile she comes to him on her bended knees.
She dares him to come out from under the bed.

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Tongue Twisters.

1. If you understand, say "understand". ]

If you don't understand, say " don't understand".

But if you understand and say "don't understand".

How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
**********

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish
the witch wishes,

I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
**********

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
**********

4 ..A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see.

And all he could  see was sea, sea, sea.
**********

5 .. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
**********

6 ..If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch
which watch?
**********

7 ..I thought a thought.

But the thought I thought wasn't the thought

I thought I thought.

If the thought I thought I thought had been  the thought I thought, I
wouldn't have thought so much.
**********

8 ..Once a fellow met a fellow in a field of beans.

Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, can a fellow
tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
**********

9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside.

Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside.

Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside.

Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside.

Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going
outside or coming inside.

Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr
Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
**********

10..SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE ,

BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS,

ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
**********

11.. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his
inside outside his inside inn.

**********

12..If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors
the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring
doctors?

Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor.

Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way
or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the
doctor's way"
**********

13..We surely shall see the sun shine shortly.

Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether
the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the
weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not.

Watch Whether the weather is hot.

Whether the weather is cold.

Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
**********

14..Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely .
**********

15 .A flea and a fly in a flue said the fly "Oh what should we do?"

Said the flea "Let us fly."

Said the fly"Let us flee."

So they flew through a flaw in the flue
**********

16..If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be
twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
**********

17.. Mr. See owned a saw.

And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.

Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See,  which made Soar sore..

Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw
would not have sawed

Soar's seesaw.

So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

But, it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw .....

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Humour.- Superb especially last one

Winter Home

We purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack
of insulation.
"If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband
confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero and we awoke
to find interior walls covered with frost.
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
"For the past 30 years," he said, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

Sharing Things.

The newly appointed priest was being briefed by the housekeeper on
problems in the rectory that required immediate attention.
"Your roof needs repair, Father," she said.
"Your water pressure is bad and your furnace is not working."

"Now, Mrs. Kelly," the priest allowed,
"you've been the housekeeper here five years, and I've only been here
a few days.
Why not say our roof and our furnace?"

Several weeks later, when the pastor was meeting with the bishop and
several other priests, Mrs. Kelly burst into the office, terribly
upset.
"Father, Father," she blurted, "there's a mouse in our room and it's
under our bed!"

TRAFFIC CAMERA.
A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed.

He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even
though he knew he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot,
driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

He thought this was quite funny.

So, he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the
traffic camera flashed yet again.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled
past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for
driving without a seat belt.

The Pope's Alaskan Bear Hunt.

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains
of Alaska.

He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard
a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

He found a helpless Democrat wearing wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote
for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt.

The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about
and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing
Go Sarah shirts came racing up.

One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest.

The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.

Then, using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.

Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup
truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back
seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned al of them men over to him.
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly
proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican
loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with
my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was
that guy?"

"Dude, that was was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct
contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he
doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still
alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"

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What Teachers Make.

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man,a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education.
He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his
best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers:
"Those who can, do.
Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest;
"You're a teacher, Bonnie.
Be honest.
What do you make?"
Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied,
"You want to know what I make?"

(She paused for a second, then began...)
"Well,
I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honour.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents
can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie
rental...

You want to know what I make?"

(She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to
know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where
 All my students feel safe.
I make my students stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag,
Because, we live in the United States of America.
Finally,
I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given,
work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life."

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
"Then,
When people try to judge me by what I make,
I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant...
You want to know what I make?
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
What do you make?"

THERE IS MUCH TRUTH IN THIS STATEMENT: "Teachers make every other profession."
 

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JOB AVAILABLE.

JOB AVAILABLE.
Subject: JOB DESCRIPTION.
Position: DAD.

Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational
skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway
cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing.
Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis
management.
Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus.
Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box,
because you most likely will need it for a school
Project.
Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing
budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more
than me!" for the rest of your life.
Must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse
conditions while simultaneously practicing above
Mentioned skills in conflict resolution.
Must be able to choose your battles wisely and then stick to your guns.
Must be able to withstand criticism, such as, "You don't know anything."
Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs
$5 to go skating.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat, in case
This time the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as
small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and
Stuck zippers.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million
cheap, plastic toys and battery-operated devices.      Must screen
phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients
of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because
fund-raiser will be your middle name.
Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions on the
fly such as "What makes the wind move?" or
"Why can't we just stop all wars?"
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Other responsibilities include floor maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that college will help them become financially
Independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually
enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance,
No pension,
No tuition reimbursement,
No paid holidays and
No stock options are offered.
The job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free
hugs for life, if you play your cards right.

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What smells?...........

 Maxine took her car to her mechanic.
She told him, "Every time I
Take any of my friends out in my car,
After a while there is this terrible smell !! .
It never happens when I am driving alone"??

This intrigued the mechanic, so he said,
"OK, lets go for a spin
And see what the problem is."

Off they went.
She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction.
At 70 MPH, swerving,
Hitting the curb on both sides of the street,
Narrowly missed three pedestrians in
Pedestrian crossings,
Ran several red lights,
And just missed a
Policeman on street traffic duty.
  Then, they returned to the shop, and she said,
"There it is now.
there's that terrible smell!  Can you smell it?"

"Smell it?
Lady, I'm sittin' in it!

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WHAT IS A FATHER?

A father is a person who is forced to endure childbirth without an anaesthetic.
He growls when he feels good and laughs very loud when he is scared
half-to-death.

A father never feels entirely worthy of the worship in a child''s eyes.
He is never quite the hero his daughter thinks.
Never quite the man his son believes him to be.
And this worries him sometimes. (So he works too hard to try to
Smooth the rough places in the road of those of his own who will follow him.)

A father is a person who goes to war sometimes...and would run the
other way except that war is part of an
Important job in his life (which is making the world better for his
child than it has been for him).

Fathers grow older faster than other people, because they, in other
wars, have to stand at the train station and
Wave goodbye to the uniform that climbs on board.

And, while mothers cry where it shows, fathers stand and
beam...outside... And die inside.

Fathers are men who give daughters away to other men who aren't nearly
good enough, so that they can have children that are smarter than
anybody's.

Fathers fight dragons almost daily.
They hurry away from the breakfast table off to the arena, which is
sometimes called an office or a workshop.
There they tackle the dragon with three heads: Weariness, Works, and Monotony.
And they never quite win the fight, but they never give up.

Knights in shining Armour; fathers in shiny trousers. there's little
difference as they march away each workday.

And when Father passes away, and after a good rest, he won't just sit
on a cloud and wait for the girl he's loved and the children she bore.
He'll be busy there too...repairing the stars, oiling the gates,
improving the streets, smoothing the way.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FATHER WHEN...
      1. You know you're a father when, your famous last words are,
"Ask your Mother."
      2. It use to be wine, women and song! Now it's kool-aid, Mom and Barney!
      3. You use to walk to school in three feet of snow, uphill both
directions!
      4. You know what "Honey Do's" are.
      5. You Favourite Football Team is in the Little Leagues!
      6. Everything starts with, "Well, when I was a kid."
      7. You start sounding like your Father!
      8. You can't understand how your six year old, turned sixteen over night!
      9. You can recite the entire McDonald's Menu by heart!
    10. You look at your children's sleeping little faces, and tears
come to your eyes!

THINGS DAD WILL NEVER SAY.
      10.) Well, how about that! I'm lost. Looks like we'll have to
stop and ask for directions.
        9.) You know, pumpkin. Now that you're thirteen, you'll be
ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
        8.) I noticed that all your friends have a certain negative
attitude. I like that!
        7.) Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. Go crazy!
        6.) What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating
not good enough for you, son?
        5.) Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You
might want to consider throwing a party.
        4.) Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably
one of those doo-hickey thingies. You know, that makes it run or
something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
         3.) No son of mine is going to live under this roof without
an earring. Now, quit your belly aching and let's go to the Mall.
         2.) What do you want to go and get a job for? I make plenty
of money for you to spend.
         1.) Father's Day? Ah, don't worry about that. It's no big deal!

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Tenjewberrymuds, :):)

Guess what does Tenjewberrymuds mean?

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud.

You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.

This had been nominated for the best email of 2007.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in
the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. - Roon sirbees.
Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
RS: Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sumteen??
G: 'Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs.'
RS: 'Ow July den?'
G: 'What??'
RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'
G: 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.

RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'
G: 'Crisp will be fine.'
RS:  'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'
G: 'What?'
RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'
G: 'I don't think so.'
RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'
G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn
toes' means.'
RS: 'Toes! Toes!...Why Jew don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'
G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes,
an English muffin will be fine.'
RS: 'We bodder?'
G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'
RS: 'Wad! ?'
G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'
RS: 'Copy?'
G: 'Excuse me?'
RS: 'Copy...tea. ..meel?'
G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'
RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder
on sigh and copy....rye? ?'
G: 'Whatever you say.'
RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'
G: 'You're very welcome.'

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SIMPLE FACTS.

·          Did you know you share your birthday

With at Least 9 other million people in the world?

·          The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

·         When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had

Segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

·          The human heart creates enough pressure when It pumps out
to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

·          Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

·         On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

·          The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

·          "I am."
Is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

·          The longest word in the English language is 1909
Letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.

·          It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

·          Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have
a full moon.

·          You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

·          Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza .

·          Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

·          Cat's urine glows under a black light.

 Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

·          In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

·          Babies are born without knee caps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

 Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

·          The most common name in the world is Muhammed.

·          The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II,
Moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

·          Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than
All of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

·          One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because
Cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp
Farmers...they saw it as competition.

·          You know that you are more likely to be killed
By a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

·          Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

·          There are 2 credit cards for every person in the US.

·          The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

·          If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days,

You would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
Is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

·          Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds,
Dogs only have about ten.

·          Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
But our nose and ears never stop growing

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IQ of small children!

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.  She
presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known
proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.  Their
insight may surprise you.   While reading, keep in mind that these are
first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses - until they stop running...

2. Strike while the - bug is close.

3.It's always darkest before - Daylight Saving Time.

4.Never underestimate the power of - termites.

5.You can lead a horse to water but - How?

6.Don't bite the hand that - looks dirty.

7.No news is - impossible

8.A miss is as good as a - Mr.

9.You can't teach an old dog new - Math

10.If you lie down with dogs, you'll - stink in the morning.

11.Love all, trust- Me.

12.The pen is mightier than the- pigs..

13.An idle mind is - the best way to relax.

14.Where there's smoke there's - pollution.

15.Happy the bride who - gets all the presents.

16.A penny saved is- not much.

17.Two's company, three's - the Musketeers.

18.Don't put off till tomorrow what- you put on to go to bed...

19.Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and - You have to
blow your nose.

20.There are none so blind as- Stevie Wonder.

21.Children should be seen and not - spanked or grounded.

22.If at first you don't succeed- get new batteries.

23.You get out of something only what you - See in the picture on the box

24.When the blind lead the blind  - get out of the way.

25.A bird in the hand - is going to poop on you...

                      And the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than - Pregnant

 

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Wisdom of a Retiree

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one
of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and
margaritas into urine.

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Blonde and the Wal-Mart Cat

A blonde was whipper-snippering her yard and accidentally cut off the
tail of her cat, which was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to  Wal-Marts.

Why Wal-Mart?
HELLOOOOOOOOO!

Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in the World!!!

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XX- Wives are funny creatures..

Wives are funny creatures!
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want
to kill the hell outta the woman who does?

Wife: My hubby & I have what he calls Olympic Sex.

Friend: Wow,must be a terrific sex life huh?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's thingie?

Just refusing to rise and the irony is that everyone is still getting
screwed!!!

This week is Breast Awareness Week.
Spread the slogan:
"We stare because we care!!!"

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just humped
me twice!

Husband: Twice???
Why didn't you call me in after he did it once???

Wife: Because I thought it was you,until he started the second time.

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you, it's only when you
leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!!!!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!!!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating!!!
Only 10% enters the female.

And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today,tomorrow you have to
do it again.

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Just A Little Snake...

Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous.
Yes, grass snakes, not rattle-snakes.

A couple in Sweet-water, Texas had a lot of potted plants.
During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them
indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one
of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife
saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.

The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked
to see what the problem was.
She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg.
He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.
His wife thought he had a heart attack!
So, she called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started
carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the
stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he is in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house.
So, she called on a neighbour man.
He volunteered to capture the snake.
He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.

Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the
sofa in relief.
But, in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she
felt the snake wriggling around.
She screamed and fainted!
The snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbour man, seeing
her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store.
She saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her
husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking
him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
An ambulance was again called and it was determined that the injury
required hospitalisation.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour
lying on the floor with his wife bending over him.
So, she assumed he had been bitten by the snake.
She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and
began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived.
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
drunken fight had occurred.
They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to
explain how it all happened over a little green snake. They called an
ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife.

Just then, the little snake crawled out from under the couch.
One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one
side of the sofa.
The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb
broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up
and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid
it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire
house was blazing.

Neighbours had called the fire department and the arriving fire-truck
had started raising his ladder as they were halfway down the street.
The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block
area.

Time passed.
Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was re-built,
the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

About a year later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced
a cold snap for that night.
The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their
plants for the night.
She shot him.
   

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